Melt the chosen fat in a large stainless-steel, cast-iron, or enameled cast-iron skillet over medium-high heat.
Add the onions and sea salt. Cook, stirring occasionally, for 5 to 8 minutes, until the onions wilt, turn glossy, and begin browning at the edges.
Turn the heat to low and cover. Stir about every 5 minutes for 15 minutes total. The onions should become completely soft without scorching.
Add the garlic, ginger, dried oregano, basil, parsley, coriander, and cloves. Cook for 5 minutes, stirring, until fragrant.
Pour in the homemade coconut milk, scraping up the browned bits. Raise the heat to medium-high and simmer uncovered for 5 minutes, until tan-golden and beginning to thicken.
Take the pan off the heat and cool slightly. Blend one-half to two-thirds of the gravy for about 15 seconds, then stir the purée back into the textured portion.
Fold in the chopped cilantro, holding back a small amount for the top if desired. Serve warm with compatible chicken, turkey, or pork.